The End is Near

Well, Ma's condition has declined rapidly in the last few hours. It all started 3 weeks ago as I was at church. Jim, Ed's younger brother, had come to sit with Ma and they couldn't get her pain under control. Ma decided she needed to go back to Providence and be seen in the ER. There they took a CT Scan of her neck and realized it had another compression fracture. They admitted her to the hospital and put her on a morphine drip to control the pain. All was well for 3 days as they tried to determine if they were going to do another surgery or not (the surgeon was out of town). Wednesday night the doctors decided to take her off the morphine drip as she could not go home on that. Big mistake. The other drugs didn't do as well and also caused her to really be out of it mentally. By the Sunday they had gotten the loopiness under control and the surgeon had gotten back from vacation. He decided there was nothing he could do for Ma, her condition was that she would not survive a surgery. Ma had not been eating well the week prior to all of this and still was not eating. She was now down to 82 lbs!

Sunday and Monday nights during our visits with her the pain had gotten unbearable again. It was heart wrenching to see her in such pain. She would call out to Ed to make it stop. She didn't want to do this any more. Then on Tuesday morning she had 2 seizures, after which she was comotoise for about 6 hours. The neurologist was giving her a sternum massage trying to get some sort of response out of her - nothing. We really thought we were going to lose her that day. A CT Scan, an EEG, and a lumbar puncture later they still didn't know why she had the seizures, but she was finally responding to verbal commands. She was still in pain, so they put her back on the morphine drip. The doctor told us that she probably wouldn't last for more than 2-3 weeks, and so we were asked to come up with some sort of a discharge plan.

Needless to say, we stalled as long as possible because by Wednesday she was talking to us again and her pain was once again under control. It was decided that because we wanted her kept on the morphine drip she would enter hospice care. After discussing the situation with our children we decided that we would rather have Grandma spend her final days somewhere other than our home. We didn't want her room of the house to always be a reminder of that's where Grandma died. Providence suggested the Ray Hickey Hospice House here in Vancouver. I drove by and did a quick tour by myself and decided it was perfect. Very clean, modern, and beautiful.

Last Sunday Ma was moved to Ray Hickey. She was alert and talking, but still a bit confused at times. So much better than the previous week. She would not believe that she had just spent two weeks in the hospital. We tried to get her to eat, but she wouldn't. This last week I have spent a lot of time down at Ray Hickey House with Ma. We talked, watched tv, or she slept. Towards the end of the week, she mainly slept, although Friday she was carrying on conversations with her brother Danny and I for a good part of the morning. Family came from all around to say their good-byes as we knew her time was winding down.

Yesterday Ed and I stopped by in the morning prior to going to the Portland Temple for a wedding and she was awake, chatty, and a bit fiesty (she had not been in the hospital for 2 weeks and she had been eating). Karen and her family came and spent the day with her and had just started heading home at 6 when they got a call from Ray Hickey House telling her that Ma's condition had drastically changed and that she might want to come back. Ed and I came back after we finished up with an endowment session we attended with soon-to-be-Elder Jacob Hullinger and family.

As of this morning Ma is still "enduring" to the end. Her breathing is really labored. We'll head back down after church this morning. I texted Karen this morning and told her to ask the nurses if a priest would be coming in today, as maybe Ma is waiting for her "last rites". I know that Ma believes in the gospel plan and the things we have taught her in these last 5 months, but I guess it is hard not to fully let go of her past teachings and trust in the Lord.

When she and I were talking earlier this week we spoke about what things were going to be like when her death came. I told her that those of us left behind would weep and be sad, but those who have already gone ahead will be shouting with joy. Her response to me was, "Because you say it, I know it is true." I told her it was going to be a very joyous reunion going on up there, and once she is done saying hi to all of her family to look over in the corner and you will see some people who are standing off waiting for the chance to introduce themselves to you and also welcome you home. It will be my family, my mom, dad, brother, and grandparents. She smiled and nodded.

Several months ago as we were discussing Mormon doctrine and the temple ordinances of sealing eternal families, she said, "I want to be sealed to Al." We told her that we would take care of that for her. She also asked Ed once, "Do even 71 year old sick ladies need to be baptized?" When he told her yes, she gave us one of her frowns to which Ed said, "Ma, you needn't worry about it. We'll take care of it for you."

I am so thankful for the past 5 months and being able to care for my mother-in-law here in our home. I am thankful to her for raising such a wonderful man that is my eternal companion. She will be missed, but never forgotten. Love you Ma!